• Melissa Patterson

Trusting that you KNOW

Do you ever just agree with yourself to trust your intuition and make decisions from a place of trusting yourself?


Or do you always defer to others for their opinions, thoughts and feedback before making a decision of your own?


And by others, that may mean further than those in your inner circle. It may mean complete and utter strangers too.


I have been reading “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle (highly recommend this read btw), and came across a chapter which totally resonated with me. Because I see it so much.


Part of my role with VA Institute is Facebook Community Management. It’s largely a wonderful role to have – I gain insight into mindset, fears and insecurities. Sure, there are parts that drive me bonkers (Jobleads don’t go in this group, don’t discuss pricing in this group, please read the group rules, STOP using ‘F’ for following….), but by and large it’s a role that sees me better understand other VAs and VA Startups.


One thing I see very regularly – both within the groups I manage and admin, and within other groups I am simply a member of – is women not trusting their own instincts and intuition, and

not knowing how to know what they should do.


Doyle speaks about this in “Untamed”, about how she used to poll and research everyone else for their opinions on what she should do – rather than trusting that she, herself, was the best placed to make decisions for….well…herself.


So many resort to external polling and researching – both in personal lives and in their own VA businesses.

Asking others what they think about their logo, business name, key service areas – anything really. Strangers on the other end of an internet connection – strangers who don’t know the person posting from a grain of salt. Strangers who don’t intimately know visions, dreams, circumstances, style, personality…any of it.


Other than polling? There’s also researching. Researching every article or blog post that can possibly be found to advise what one should do. There's a saying which I think Tony Robbins may have coined - "Stop 'shoulding' all over yourself." I love it because everyone has an opinion on what you SHOULD do, but ultimately all that matters is what YOU WANT to do. What feels right for you.


For some time I’ve noticed this decision-making (or avoidance of it) coming from a place of polling and researching complete strangers – without a smidgeon of consideration for the intuition of oneself.


More often than not, the research and polling will lead to, as Doyle puts it “maddeningly inconclusive” results. So you actually end up far more confused and indecisive than you were in the first place.


It saddens me deeply that we have become conditioned to listen to what others think we SHOULD do, as opposed to listening in to our own selves for what WE think we should do.


I’m not saying don’t ask for advice on a difficult client or situation you haven’t faced before – the VA industry is so incredibly supportive, and it’s so vitally important when we work virtually to have those connections and that support.


What I am saying is this – before asking total strangers for their opinion on what you should do – ask yourself. Sit with it. Listen to YOUR thoughts. Listen to what YOUR intuition is telling you. Trust that YOU know yourself better than anyone else does.

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